Historically, weddings have been defined as a heterosexual union, between a man and a woman. But the truth is that love knows no bounds, and marriage, love, and partnerships are not limited only to heterosexual couples. The wedding industry - just like much of our society - is heteronormative by nature. South Asian weddings especially tend to be very heteronormative, with strict rules, rituals, and traditions specific to both the bride and groom, as well as male and female family members. There is often very little room for breaking tradition, and certainly much less for being inclusive to LGBTQ+ couples who do not fit the traditional ideas of “bride” and “groom.”
Many LGBTQ+ couples - both South Asian and beyond - may find wedding vendors to be alienating from the get go - from their websites, to their client information/contact forms, to the contracts and more, because heteronormativity is ingrained into the wedding industry. So, how do we break these archaic habits and make our businesses more affirming, welcoming and warm?
During my day job as an HIV Health Educator, I routinely provide LGBTQ+ inclusivity trainings to healthcare professionals, and advise agencies on how to make their healthcare settings (such as clinics and hospitals), more welcoming. I applied some of that same knowledge to the wedding industry to create some simple steps that vendors can take to create a more welcoming business.
People first: Language matters
Language is key to inclusivity. It’s one of the first things that should be changed if you want to have a more welcoming business. Many wedding vendors have websites, client intake forms, and contracts that are riddled with words like bride, groom, Mr. and Mrs., his and hers, and more. This can be extremely off-putting to couples who don’t use these terms, and to folks who may identify as trans, non-binary, gender-queer, and more.
use a fine-toothed comb to look through your website, and identify all the places where the language is heteronormative. Instead of using words like “bride” and “groom” in your forms and contracts, try switching to “partner 1’ and “partner 2” or “spouse 1” and “spouse 2,” or another gender-neutral term.
re-define family: some LGBTQ+ folks may not be in touch with their biological families, and instead may have chosen families. Rigid family definitions such as “mother of the bride, ” “father of the bride,” and things of that nature will not be helpful for all folks. Instead, consider something like “Important family members” when creating your family portrait shot lists or asking for day-of contact information.
keep in mind that not every LGBTQ+ couple (or other couple) might be “married” or “engaged” in the traditional sense. People can partake in long-term relationships and partnerships that are not defined necessarily by marriage.
First impressions: Representation is key
It’s not enough just to say that you’re an inclusive vendor. Does your website, your Instagram, your Facebook and beyond actually represent the LGBTQ+ community? Does it show a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors? Imagine if I was looking for a photographer who specializes in South Asian weddings and someone tells me that they do - but I don’t see a single South Asian wedding on their websites or social media (and trust me, I’ve experienced this first hand!). Why would I hire them? I would be much more trusting of a vendor who proudly showcases the types of clients that they claim to be inclusive of - the kind fo walks the walk, not just talks the talk.
Feeling safe: Finding like-minded vendors
It’s great if you’ve taken the steps to become an inclusive vendor. Does your vendor circle (photographers, wedding planners, florists, caterers, and beyond) do the same? If you truly want to be inclusive, one of the best things that you can do is make sure that your vendor circle is inclusive as well. It may an uncomfortable topic to bring up - but trust me, it’s 100% worth it when your clients feel safe and at home during one of the best days of their life. Finding a like-minded vendor circle is also a great way to learn and grow together over the years.
Going the distance
We live in a capitalist society where money, unfortunately, runs the world. Each June during Pride month, corporations across the world gleefully adapt rainbow logos and branding because it makes them look more approachable and hip to the times. As soon as it’s July 1st, those rainbow logos fade right back to the usual colors because sadly, it’s more about profit that actual people for these companies.
Don’t be one of those companies! It’s totally awesome if your company celebrates Pride month, brings awareness, and does special features on LGBTQ+ couples during the month of June - but what are you doing for the rest of the year? Are you actively learning, advocating, and extending the same warmth to your LGBTQ+ couples throughout the year? Are you actively engaging with your LGBTQ+ couples and families, or are you doing it for the likes?
Inclusivity is not only limited to the LGBTQ+ community. Color, caste, and privilege also play a huge role in the South Asian wedding industry. Do you make an effort to go beyond the tired image of light-skinned, thin, conventionally good-looking Hindu folks? There are far too many wedding vendors, magazines, and companies - and of course, huge South Asian corporations - that thrive based on this singular image. Are you doing your part to break the stereotype and showcase other kinds of beauty and love?
Remember: inclusivity is not a one-stop-shop. Inclusivity takes a lot of learning and un-learning, and it’s a journey - often a life-long process. No one is perfect - and you’ll make mistakes, because you’re human. But remember this: creating a welcoming environment does not take as much effort as you might think. Start small, grow, learn - because at the end of the day, every single person - no matter how they identify - deserves to celebrate their love without judgment or fear.
Because love is love is love is love is love.
